Sometimes it's easier to let out some steam than to sit and count my blessings. Usually if I feel like I've pent up too much inside I try and keep it in just a little longer to give me enough time to realize whatever I'm upset about will usually blow over then I try to count my blessings so I can get a real perspective on my life. Lately, I'm just all steam and I need to let it out. Being a stay at home mom is one of the biggest blessings I've ever had. It's also THE most challenging. Yesterday I felt so proud of myself because I was able to run 6 miles while yelling at the boys to get away from the treadmill or they'd hurt themselves and playing peek-a-boo with my 6 month old who was sitting in her swing watching me. Granted I do not do this every day. I try and make it to the gym so I can sweat it out without trying to entertain 3 little ones, but that's how yesterday turned out. I know I'm lucky to be able to get to the gym where someone else will watch my kids, but it may come as a surprise to some people that going to the gym every day so I don't get fat and yucky isn't as stress free as some people may think.
Anyway, I've been feeling trapped. I've been feeling trapped since I found out I was pregnant with my youngest. She's just about the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and I can't help but smile when I look at her, but I still feel a little trapped. At first I was trapped inside a body that felt exhausted and nauseated all the time. Then I was trapped in a body that couldn't sleep or breath properly, now I cannot physically be away from her for more than 3 hours or she will not be able to eat. Literally. Her life depends on me. I know that I chose to do this rather than bottle feed but I'm stuck with it now. My other kids would take a bottle. She will not. In all actuality I don't mind that much b/c I love spending time with her in any way, but I don't feel like I have any ounce of freedom (well technically I have 3 hours every now and again when all the stars align). My life is run by other people.
Once again, I do feel guilty complaining about something so trivial, but like I said, counting blessings right now just isn't on my list of things to do today. Last Sunday the man speaking in sacrament talked about his mother or grandmother who was perfect in every way. In his mind she was such a wonderful woman and he said that she (this is a direct quote) "never complained and never tired." It's a good thing I was out in the hall with a fussy baby when I rolled my eyes and said "ha!" I know most women out there are a lot more patient and energized than me, but that just makes me mad he would think a good woman would never complain and never tire. How annoying.
To be honest, I wouldn't trade my life with anyone. Especially not with the woman who's married to the yahoo who spoke on Sunday. I don't actually think my life is very hard. But, I just have to let out a little steam every now and again.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
That's why the treadmill was invented...for people like us to blow off steam :) I think that exact same guy spoke in our church once. Except he went on to say that women who don't have a bunch of kids are selfish. Now that Annie is eating real food now hopefully she will start to be less attached to you :) You know, maybe start letting you be away from her for like 4 whole hours :)
ReplyDeleteI hate when people tell of others who are (supposedly) perfect. I remember when an older couple in our ward gave a very nice fireside for the youth, and then he mentioned that he and his wife had never argued (they were in their 90s). I thought, Well, there's not hope for me. It's already too late to work toward that goal.
ReplyDeleteWatch Elder M. Russell Ballard's talk from April 2008 conference, Sunday afternoon session: Daughters of God. You can read or watch it here:
http://broadcast.lds.org/genconf/2008/04/50/GC_2008_04_58_BallardMR__09487_eng_1M.mp4
Oh yeah, and this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbYLKVgwztY
ReplyDeleteYou've got angels watching over you that I don't got.
Hello?! You have a personal blog?! I just discovered this little gem. What a good idea! I might just make my own. Anyways, I appreciate you letting out some steam even though it was a while ago. I'm feeling like my life is kinda being run by everyone else right now too and it's annoying me. Nothing can be done about it but it's nice to hear from someone else who's been there. Josh's mom sounds like one of those "never complained and never tired" kind of women. I made it clear early on in our marriage that I'm not her and never will be so you'd better get used to it now. He seems to still love me anyways!
ReplyDelete