The word dispassionate comes to mind...

I'm having a hard time finding motivation. After the first two babies, running was invigorating and running faster than the last time felt soooo good. After having my little girl I'm content just to log the miles. I'll even stop and walk the last mile if I just don't feel like running anymore. This is soo not like me. I used to push through the last mile. I used to push through the last mile then add a bit more. Hmmmm. I keep expecting to get a rush of motivation but I haven't found it yet. I'm generally not satisfied with mediocre. I generally get all uptight and antsy if I miss a workout. I keep putting one foot in front of the other just hoping one of these times I hop on the treadmill something will urge me to go faster and farther. I don't usually feel happy with myself unless I'm completely and utterly exhausted. Like a few weeks ago I ran 10 miles. At about mile 4 I didn't know if I'd make it to mile 6. At mile 6 I decided I'd stop at mile 8. By the time mile 8 came I wanted to cry 'cause I was so tired but I kept going. I felt a lot of pain and that made me happy. BUT last Saturday I ran 10 miles and it was slow and I didn't feel like I wanted to die so in my mind it didn't actually count as a 'real' 10 mile run. I want to recreate the 'real' 10 miles I ran more often. I've really only pushed myself like that once since the baby and I just don't feel like pushing myself like that as often as I should. what to do, what to do...